Tuesday, May 25, 2010

nostalgia



Do you ever have those moments where you just stop and think about how different things would be if you had done something else? A bit of a 'What If' moment, where you consider how everything is now- and how everything could be if...
I'm just feeling so stressed out about life right now. My head feels a bit like a blur. I'm not happy with the way things are but i'm not sure what to do about it. My feelings and thoughts are all coming at me at once.
I miss summer, I miss my bestfriend and the way things used to be when we didn't have responsibilities, I miss working all the time and having a constant stable cash flow, I miss having everything close and near, I miss laughing out loud, I miss taking chances, I miss not over-thinking, I miss being able to close my eyes at night with a clear mind, I miss knowing that tomorrow would be better than today.
I hate the little things in life- paying for petrol, worrying about siblings, liking a boy and not understanding why on earth him, feeling like shit for 'no reason', the high price tags on things you want, the higher price tags on things you need (hello education),
I like the way I think and the way i am but sometimes- I feel like there are things i would give up all the pretty clothes and make up for. I really would.
Not saying i don't like my life the way it is now, i do..I just wonder. And when priority calls- I know the things that would make me happy...I just don't know how to get them?
What if i try and don't succeed, i want these things so much that i don't think i would handle the feeling of failing or rejection. Not even that- i make excuses all the time- maybe i'm just scared- of like everything that matters. ♥
Why can't I just stop thinking and live?

8 comments:

  1. I sometimes do that as well; am afraid that something I really want won´t happen no matter how hard I try, and then I just sabotage myself and stop trying so hard to feel less disappointed when I notice it´s not going to work out like I wanted it to. Can´t say it´s easy to stop doing that...

    xxx

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  2. you know what they say, keep calm and carry on! life is a runway and girl, you've got plenty of shoes, so keep walking! and stay fierce. :( i hope you feel super okay better soon

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  3. You don't know me, but I was going through with some blogs and came across with yours. I know how you feel and sometimes I feel the same way. You may not have your bestfriend now but it is still best to talk to someone about it. Everything's going to be fine. It just takes time for us to figure out what we want and makes us happy. We're human and we always want something more. We should also learn to be content and try to be happy with what we have. This is just a phase you need to go through to put yourself in the right path.

    Hope this helps a little! and I hope you figure things out soon! :)

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  4. I understand how you feel <3

    I miss the person I used to be and the friends I once had. I stay awake at night thinking about how I let things go--how I let things change--and why I didn't stop it. I look at my life now and miss what I used to have so much. I look at the lives of the friends I had once upon a time and regret being so stubborn. I wish I could be apart of their lives again. However ... despite not *loving* who I am now doesn't mean that I want to go back to who I used to be. I don't have the close friends I used to have but I know that I have my boyfriend (who despite isn't what I would call my best friend .. but I know he will always be by my side) and I know that right now, I can change who I am and be a better person for the people who are coming into my life.

    Haha, that totally did not help you at all! But I have to thank you cos you've reminded me that when I started 2010, I decided that I wasn't going to be the same person I have been for the past eighteen years. I want to be more. Despite not having the close or best friends to dnm with, I can still handle my problems. And I don't need money to make me happy (actually, it would! there are SO many things I want to buy!) .. but I can make do with what I've got =)

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  5. holy crap...i'm stuck in a blur too. miss you cess, when things aren't so hectic we'll go on a crazy random adventure. i need one of those at the moment and i think you do too :)

    the list shall continue!

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  6. you dont need to miss me!!!
    im always here <3
    you know that!
    monday = mini road trip :P
    love you bestfriend xox.

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  7. @ endless.wardrobe; thank-you so much for the lovely comment :) i tried to comment u back but i cant view ur profiles so i shall reply here.
    i'd like to think it's a phase that i'll outgrow, ive just had a series of bad days lately and it's getting to me. i love when i do an off topic life post and meet a new person that doesnt frequent my blog. thanks for visiting :) and i will try and stay motivated until this lost and lethargic phase goes away. i hope u are smiling and having a good week :)

    xoxo

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thanks for your comments lovelies! :) xoxo ♥