Saturday, August 28, 2010

blog give away winner! and a bit of a chat :)

Hello lovelies! okay so i think i'm ready to get back into blogging. Before i tell you all about where i've been and what's been happening, i'll announce the winner of my blog give away.

Congratulations to;

Hang from http://htea-loves.blogspot.com/

i wrote down everyone's name in note pad with a number in order of your comment and the extra entries you each got etc, and then used random.org to generate a random number.

i've contacted you, please send me over your address and i will pop your prize in the mail for you as soon as possible lovely :)

So what's been up? well...
I've had a rough week as i had my phone stolen at a house party i went to (right out of my bag, stupid bitch) anyway and then i was contemplating moving out and then someone close to me passed away (which i won't go into too much about as it's private and i'm dealing with it in my own terms). So ive spent this week pretty much just doing nothing and feeling sad and trying to really think.
I also had a fight with one of my best mates and it sucked bad. He was being a bitch but so was i and i should have just been blunt and went UR BEING AN ARSEHOLE STOP. Like when you're really close to someone from the opposite sex, it gets a bit awkward sometimes just making sure you don't overstep any lines but i think i've established that if i do, he's my bestfriend, he'll tell me and i will tell him and we'll work it out. I was pretty upset but when you've known someone for years and you're close to them, you just both get over it and it's kinda like it never happened. Really weird but awesome at the same time.
It did make me realize that i havent been myself this last few months, it's funny how you don't realize that you've changed...

Anyway i was always this down to earth girl who could make fun of herself who liked glamorous, pretty things however was never defined by them..but lately i feel like i've become a bit consumed by it all. I was talking to one of my bestfriends and telling her that sometimes all i really want to do is smile, tie my hair up in a pony tail, bum around in trackies and eat pizza while watching action movies (of course this was later repeated to my other bestfriend cos that's what happens when you have two awesome pple in ur life who u share useless info with). But when you've become so used to presenting yourself a particular way or others have become accustomed to seeing you in some way, it's really hard to break the habit and you just go along with it.
I feel like i always have to act in some way or be something, which is so not me. I've started thinking so much about the most useless things and i don't know why. NONE of it matters.
I don't always have perfect makeup-heck sometimes i wonder why i even wear any, it's just so much effort and sometimes i think there's the smallest difference, i'm not tall, i say stupid things, i get angry easily, i am addicted to sweets and i hate exercise. I don't play any sports and i can be really selfish at times. But that's okay, because no one is perfect and i shouldn't aspire to be.
I've also set up a criteria on how i live life and that's just not cool at all...I've always been this really friendly, bubbly and approachable person but because of that, i've been taken advantage of by arseholes and bitches in the past and to be honest, i'm a bit scarred by it all. By choosing who i befriended or associated with, i could ensure there were no unpleasant stalker people, perves or backstabbing bitches.

So i set boundaries and would only let myself be close to people who i thought were this or that...the thing i forgot about is that i like imperfect people, i like being imperfect and i like doing stupid things or making friends with weird people in the moment as it's what life is about. So who cares if i get stalked again (actually yes i do but...i can always just punch them in the face and move on) I also miss liking someone, i think i hold myself a bit too high and i have such unrealistic standards and i need to wake up to reality and just go crazy and not care about what i'm wearing or how i look or what the bad things people around me are doing. With me, it's never been about what others think but what i think of myself. I need to let myself love life and love others. I think by allowing myself to truly like someone, i let them in and even in their imperfection and all, i will see them as perfect because i like them so it's a scary thing. But it's human nature and i think even if i try not to like someone or concentrate on their flaws, i will still feel what i feel.
I've become a bit of a bitch though because of my 'rules' and my 'standards' and my 'expectations'. I don't like it at all.

I've started talking to new friends and old friends lately and it made me realize how much i miss them. How different they all are and how i get along with all of them.
The thing about setting boundaries and following them is that you grow to expect certain things to play out and when they don't, you don't have a back up plan and just feel shit. Life shouldn't be about back up plans anywayyyy or boundaries, who gives a shit. We're all gonna die sooner or later so we should do whatever.

Also, I need to learn how to let something go. Sometimes i forget that if something is meant to be, it'll happen anyway. I used to believe in fate and i need to start believing in that again. I don't need to do anything except be myself and live life.

I will be back with more posts and FOTD & OOTDs :) i miss you all blog people ♥

p.s. i'm going to the muse concert in december with my best mate, can't wait it's gonna be awesome! :) time to whip out some muse tracks and memorize the lines off by heart.

8 comments:

  1. amazing post gorgeous!! sounds like uv got this whole 'life' thing pretty well worked out, now jst to put into practice hey! :) I totally connected with so much you said about boundaries and expectations, I'm very much the same in that respect. Hope you are feeling much better about everything and thanks for sharing so much with us :) xxx

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  2. holy shit you look fucking gorgeous in that picture.<3

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  3. *hugs* hope you're ok sounds like a lot of stress/sadness lately xo

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  4. Hey C, I hope you move past these things okay :) I guess sometimes, you get too used to "going with the flow" and you just forget the person you want or don't want to be. Haha, well, I know I do.

    I hope you're okay and coping with everything <3

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  5. @Jadegrrrl; naw u dont have blog lovely :(
    thankyou *hugs back* now let's cheers to some smiles and moving forward :)
    xoxo

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  6. Aw, hope your okay, sounds like you've had it tough. Try not to hold grudges, they just weigh you down like extra baggage. I know it's hard moving on. I guess you just have to try and recreate magic in tiny things - getting in contact with people you've distanced from, being stupid and young, doing something out of the ordinary - it all works.

    I will see you at muse! Well I'm not sure, they'll be thousands of people there, but you know what I mean :)
    It will be my second time of seeing Matthew Bellamy and hoping he will impregate me.


    P.S I love the song 'just a boy' playing on your page.

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  7. aw im very sorry, and i hope you're super okay by now :< its important that you be yourself no matter what. make up or no make up, look glamorous, look like crap. you'll find people who'll love you either way <3

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  8. this is a really beautiful blog entry! :)
    i think i can completely empathise with you on many levels. ^^

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thanks for your comments lovelies! :) xoxo ♥